I Blog Because...

I am a wife, a mom, a servant, a seeker and a follower of Christ. I am blogging to chronicle my own journey with God with the hope to inspire others to deepen their relationship with Him. Perhaps my mistakes and blunders will make you chuckle. Or, maybe, my disappointments, mistakes and learnings will speak to your heart. I often write at night, so forgive the grammatical mistakes and misspellings. This is a place for me to empty my mind and thoughts, with the hope of one day blessing my 2 girls with the raw honesty about life from their mom. I invite you to journey with me and share in my joys and sorrows as I seek to know my Lord. Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."



Monday, September 24, 2012

Dusk and Dawn

Do you have a favorite time of day?  Usually we are asked the question, "are you a morning person or a night person?"  I most confidently respond that I am a night person, when asked.  Strange to some, I become more thoughtful and productive at night.  My imagination comes to life and can more effectively plan or problem solve at night.  Yet, my favorite time of day is not night, nor is it the day.  It is the place that falls just between the two.  I am completely enamored with dusk and dawn.  The place where the two, day and night, seem to meet for just a short time.   

It is a chilly Fall night here in Maryland   I'm wrapped in blanket sitting outside enjoying the dusk.  The moon is brightly shining, giving light to the pink and blue sky.  Birds are still active from my backyard view, while the sounds of crickets join with their chirping.  Night and day are joining together for a brief time to create a evening symphony.

Sabbath day for me is coming to a close.  I want to cling to this day and linger here, yet it will soon pass away and become night. Dusk and dawn only last for a very short time.   For now, I am caught up in the wonder of creation and the wonder of my Creator who made it all.  Majestic is His name.  A holy moment, right here, in my backyard.   Breathing in the cool night air, I feel refreshed.   The scent of refreshment in one's soul cannot be replicated.   You can't buy the fragrance in a room spray.  I breathe deeply, in and out, noticing the smell in the air.  The smell of Fall mixed with the aroma of chicken cacciatore wafting from my kitchen is to be savored.   May the sounds and smells of tonight connect to many more holy moments and invitations from God.

The moon is high, the pink has dissipated and sight of the backyard grows dim.   It is time for the two to depart and go their separate ways until dawn.  Thank you, God, for today's Sabbath.  Grant me rest for the night and a willing spirit to greet the day with energy to serve your calling.

Day has passed to night.  God's faithfulness can be seen again.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Chasing the Question Marks

Lately, my days have been filled with wonder and questions about what is ahead for me.  Anticipation of what is next and of the unknown capture my thoughts and imagination.  What will this next season of life hold for me?   What do I do first?  What should my short term goals be?  Will this be a difficult transition?  What does God want to teach me?  What if I fail?  What if my deepest fears come true? What if?...plays over and over in my mind.

I've come to find that God has me in a posture I've not been in for awhile. I am uncomfortable.   I am being led to a place I've never been before. I've been extremely comfortable for the past few years. God has blessed me with a wonderful family, great friends, mission opportunities and a thriving ministry.   Dare I say the difficult truth that too many times my work has exceeded His presence?  Dare I say that I've become self-reliant and self-sufficient and even selfish?  I have been pondering this quote by C.S. Lewis, "The human spirit will not even begin to try to surrender "self-will" as long as all seems to be well with it."   Ouch, that hurt.    Can one bear fruit for very long if the "apart from me you can do nothing" isn't part of the DNA?  Shouldn't the question marks be chased down with a healthy dose of:

  •  Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.”  Coupled with…
  • John 15:5, “I am the vine, and you are the branches.  If you stay joined to me, and I stay joined to you, then you will produce lots of fruit.   But you cannot do anything without me.”  

"Oh God, I miss the day when every day was a day of sole dependence on you for every morsel of daily bread."   It has been awhile since I have asked God for every breath and for every next step.  Uncomfortable isn't so bad, I guess, when God is everything you need.   

It is a new time and season under the sun.  It's time to relinquish fully what I can and cannot do to God, for He alone can do all things. I have the distinct feeling that God has me exactly where he wants me to be.  I'm in a place of needing him so desperately again.  This is beautiful, really.  I am desperate for God.

"Lord, Jesus, you are the great I AM, and I am not.  Find me faithful to your calling for my life.  Be near to me.   Refine me, Lord God.  I am wholly yours.  I love you. I'm desperate for you.   I pray these things in the name of Jesus.  Amen."

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Quiet Place Between

The Quiet Place Between

The final shades of sunset and crescent moon share the sky for a time.   My soul is at rest as I return home from a ministry conference.   How long will this rest remain?   Peace and confidence in a Savior who holds all things together is mine in this moment.  How long might this peace remain?    Oh, to cling to the promises that Jesus offers is no easy task.  He promises rest for the weary and the peace which transcends all understanding and yet, there are too many times when I fail to embrace, believe and claim these promises.   You, O God, are beyond our weary selves.  You, O God, are beyond our impossibilities.  You, O God, are beyond all things. 

May the doxology of my heart be: And the Kingdom, the power and glory are yours now and forever! Thanks be to God!