I Blog Because...

I am a wife, a mom, a servant, a seeker and a follower of Christ. I am blogging to chronicle my own journey with God with the hope to inspire others to deepen their relationship with Him. Perhaps my mistakes and blunders will make you chuckle. Or, maybe, my disappointments, mistakes and learnings will speak to your heart. I often write at night, so forgive the grammatical mistakes and misspellings. This is a place for me to empty my mind and thoughts, with the hope of one day blessing my 2 girls with the raw honesty about life from their mom. I invite you to journey with me and share in my joys and sorrows as I seek to know my Lord. Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."



Friday, October 29, 2010

"Operation Love Thy Neighbor"

I delivered cupcakes (originally planned to deliver freshly baked brownies…don’t even ask what happened there!) to 3 neighbors today and included invites to Trunk or Treat. Sounds easy for an extrovert, right?

I found this definition of extrovert: “(1) outgoing person: somebody who is sociable and self-confident; (2) somebody with interest outside self: somebody whose interests are directed outside the self.” The first part of the definition comes most easily.

The knock-knock/big smile/hand off of cupcakes came very easily for me. It only took about 5 minutes to do this. Now what about tomorrow? What about the follow up and the relational investment? That’s the cannonball jump for me. I am planning to have hot cider available on Sunday night as the neighbors head out for trick or treating.   However nice that may seem, the cupcakes and cider are not enough. In fact, that's the easy part. Impact begins when we notice and see the people Jesus misses the most.  Impact happens when we share time together…face to face.      Impact happens when our interests are directed outside of the self.   Impact happens if we stop long enough to connect with another person and genuinely care

It's time to jump into the lives of people, far beyond a wave and smile.

So I ask myself again...is that just a costume you're wearing? 

Monday, October 25, 2010

Is that just a costume you're wearing?


Daily Devotions – Monday 10/25

.Making a Splash
Read Mark 9:33-35

A summer day + a few friends + a diving board = splash contest! The desire to make the biggest splash leads us to jump higher, lean farther, land harder and perfect the supreme cannonball. The same desire to make the biggest splash—to “be the greatest”—can happen in our lives. Notice how Jesus responds to the disciples’ discussion. Jesus does not condemn their desire, but redefines what it means to be great.

What is your strategy for making an impact in the world? How would you feel talking about your plans with Jesus? Spend a minute in prayer talking with God about how he can use you to pursue true greatness.


Wow, I've spent some time this afternoon contemplating this one.   I think this may be part of the strategy God is calling me to follow:

Micah 6:8 (NIrV)

8 The Lord has shown you what is good.

He has told you what he requires of you.

You must treat people fairly.

You must love others faithfully.

And you must be very careful to live

the way your God wants you to. (humbly)

My prayer is that God would be teach me how to live in humble submission to His will for my life each day and that I would make the most of every opportunity. There are days when I realize I'm just fooling myself into thinking I've accomplished God's will for the day simply because it may fall under the umbrella of good ministry work.   Accolades can be poisonous if they lead us to the place where we realize we are trying to please man and not God.  
I also recognize that the impact I make is limited to the point that I allow God to impact my own life.    Impact happens when I allow God's will and desires for me to come crashing into the deepest place of my soul.  When I am aligned with that, only then can I respond with action to make an impact.
I proudly wore my Cannonball Tshirt yesterday which says, "Cannonball...all in and making waves."   I have on my cannonball bracelet today.   In the quiet, this question came to my mind:   Is that just a costume you're wearing, or do you really intend to live this out?  Are you gonna jump?
While I feel fairly confident of the answer, I dare not respond so hastily.   I want to wrestle with this one for awhile.    
I am thankful for the journey.  Although not an easy one, I am grateful for His presence.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Speechless, wordless and in awe of God

Led to Isaiah 43 tonight.

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush [a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you,
I will give nations in exchange for you, and peoples in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?  There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands."  Isaiah 43:18-19 (The Message) 

"Climb the ladder and walk to the edge of the board.  Don't look down, but look way out ahead and then jump!  Can you see me?  I'm already waiting for you in the pool and I've been here all along.  You're ready.  Now jump!"  (My message)

When one truly experiences God, words are inadequate.   I am left speechless, wordless and in awe of God in these moments.   Absolutely, positively speechless.   

I will conclude my writing with this:   He knows me, He finds me worthy of His love, His is not silent and He is most assuredly at work in my life.

I am closing my eyes and entering into rest as the journey continues.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Day 1 Debrief - Home from my mission trip. Now what?


Time to lean into feelings, thoughts and next steps with God.  This is a scary and uncomfortable place for me.  I have been overwhelmed by the silence in my home today.  This is such a change from all that I experienced over the past 9 days in the Dominican Republic.  I miss the sounds of animals and motorcycles.  I miss the merengue and bachata music blaring from the bar down the road.  I miss the voices of my Dominican friends.   I miss the people I have grown to love, serve with and pray with.  I miss the church and worshipping with my brothers and sisters. "Cantaré de tu amor, Rendiré mi corazón ante ti, Tú serás me pasión, Y mis pasos se guiarán por tu voz.  Mi Jesús y mi Rey, De tu gran amor cantaré."

It grows increasingly more difficult for me to leave and separate myself from my Dominican brothers and sisters.  Monte Cristi feels like home.  La iglesia feels like my church home.  There were many moments when I felt that all that was missing was my husband and kids.  While in Monte Cristi, I felt as though I had everything else I could ever want or need. I felt wholly and completely in the center of God's will.   God has placed an incredible love and burden in my heart for these people. I thank God for this, but at the same time, I grapple with what it is that God expects me to do with this love and burden.   Have you ever been desperate to hear from God?   Have you ever asked Him the same questions over and over again?  Have you cried out vocally, in desperation?  Have you fallen to your knees and begged for God to speak?  Have you approached God without words and only offered sobs and moans?  Has He ever been silent?   Have you ever been there?  That's where I find myself, in a season of seeking but receiving silence. 

I suppose when God is silent, it is a reminder to us that He is sovereign and we are not. That He will speak when, and where, and how, AND when He full well pleases, and not just when we demand it.  His silence reminds us of His reality. You and I don't miss things that are not real. You and I don't long for unicorns (at least I hope we don't). When God is silent, it is so painful because we so badly need the reality of His presence in our lives and we need Him to speak to us.  That pain is a reminder of God's reality, I guess.

Today is painful, emotional and difficult.   I wonder if God is silent or if I am simply unable to hear His voice.    Has God already revealed His will and spoken?  Am I expecting far too much information and details from God?    There are times when I think I have discerned God's will for my life but I become paralyzed with fear of the unknown. I feel inadequate for such lofty goals and vision.   What if God is waiting on me to move?     During my prayer time today, with fear and trembling, I made a covenant before God to passionately invest my life in obeying Him and reaching the world no matter what role He has for me.   I will continue to cry out to the Lord:  "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening."Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Thank you, God.  Thank you.  

I am settling into this silence, waiting and listening for His still, small voice.   I will praise my Savior and sing of His love.