I Blog Because...

I am a wife, a mom, a servant, a seeker and a follower of Christ. I am blogging to chronicle my own journey with God with the hope to inspire others to deepen their relationship with Him. Perhaps my mistakes and blunders will make you chuckle. Or, maybe, my disappointments, mistakes and learnings will speak to your heart. I often write at night, so forgive the grammatical mistakes and misspellings. This is a place for me to empty my mind and thoughts, with the hope of one day blessing my 2 girls with the raw honesty about life from their mom. I invite you to journey with me and share in my joys and sorrows as I seek to know my Lord. Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."



Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A Winter Prayer

Grant me Your Sense of Timing
Prayer by Ted Loder from his book Guerillas of Grace:

O God of all seasons and senses,
grant me your sense of timing
to submit gracefully
and rejoice quietly
in the turn of the seasons.
In this season of short days and long nights,
of grey and white and cold,
teach me the lessons of waiting:
of the snow joining the mystery
of the hunkered-down seeds
growing in their sleep
watched over by gnarled-limbed, grandparent trees
resting from autumn’s staggering energy;
of the silent, whirling earth
circling to race back home to the sun.
O God, grant me your sense of timing.

In this season of short days and long nights,
of grey and white and cold,
teach me the lessons of endings:
children growing
friends leaving
jobs concluding
stages finishing
grieving over
grudges over
blaming over
excuses over.
O God, grant me your sense of timing.

In this season of short days and long nights,
of grey and white and cold, teach me the lessons of beginnings:
that such waitings and endings may be a starting place,
of planting seeds which bring to birth
what is ready to be born—
something right and just and different,
a new song, a deeper relationship,
a fuller lover— in the fullness of your time.

O God, grant me your sense of timing.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Mixed Forecast

Today, I write for the benefit of myself.  In an hour, I will be preparing to leave my comfortable sofa to enjoy a holiday party with my ministry team.   The expectation is that joy, laughter and celebration will fill the night.   There will be food to be eaten and games to be played.   I don't feel much in the party mood.   The experiences and my emotions today have been much like a mixed weather forecast.   There have been periods of sun, warmth, and gentle winds.  There have also been periods of storms and what felt like tornadic activity.

How can I celebrate while a friend was nearly beaten to death by her husband last night?  She lay in a hospital in Puerto Rico, without any idea of what she will do next.  Her husband is now incarcerated in Puerto Rico.  How can a family vacation to visit family turn out this way?   What can I do for her when she returns home?  I am overwhelmed by the sadness I feel and the enormity of what is ahead for her.

How can I celebrate while my Aunt lay in the hospital with lung cancer tonight?  What do I say to my family?  How can I help?

Today, my mind has been flooded with thoughts of those who are going through trials and difficulties.    I am studying the book of James and have memorized Chapter 1 of the book.   "Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds."   I have repeated and repeated this verse, and those that follow ad nauseum.  Tonight, I'm having a hard time considering what has happened.  I am especially having difficulty considering it pure joy.  

May God help me tonight. The picture of my friend, beaten to the point of non-recognition, is hard to remove from my mind for the next several hours. 

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

Thank you, Jesus.  Be near me Lord, Jesus.   Be near to those who are hurting and sick.  Be near the lonely and lost.  Be near the widows and orphans.  Be near the poor.  Would you be near, Lord, Jesus?  Please, be near.