I Blog Because...

I am a wife, a mom, a servant, a seeker and a follower of Christ. I am blogging to chronicle my own journey with God with the hope to inspire others to deepen their relationship with Him. Perhaps my mistakes and blunders will make you chuckle. Or, maybe, my disappointments, mistakes and learnings will speak to your heart. I often write at night, so forgive the grammatical mistakes and misspellings. This is a place for me to empty my mind and thoughts, with the hope of one day blessing my 2 girls with the raw honesty about life from their mom. I invite you to journey with me and share in my joys and sorrows as I seek to know my Lord. Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."



Sunday, September 23, 2012

Chasing the Question Marks

Lately, my days have been filled with wonder and questions about what is ahead for me.  Anticipation of what is next and of the unknown capture my thoughts and imagination.  What will this next season of life hold for me?   What do I do first?  What should my short term goals be?  Will this be a difficult transition?  What does God want to teach me?  What if I fail?  What if my deepest fears come true? What if?...plays over and over in my mind.

I've come to find that God has me in a posture I've not been in for awhile. I am uncomfortable.   I am being led to a place I've never been before. I've been extremely comfortable for the past few years. God has blessed me with a wonderful family, great friends, mission opportunities and a thriving ministry.   Dare I say the difficult truth that too many times my work has exceeded His presence?  Dare I say that I've become self-reliant and self-sufficient and even selfish?  I have been pondering this quote by C.S. Lewis, "The human spirit will not even begin to try to surrender "self-will" as long as all seems to be well with it."   Ouch, that hurt.    Can one bear fruit for very long if the "apart from me you can do nothing" isn't part of the DNA?  Shouldn't the question marks be chased down with a healthy dose of:

  •  Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.”  Coupled with…
  • John 15:5, “I am the vine, and you are the branches.  If you stay joined to me, and I stay joined to you, then you will produce lots of fruit.   But you cannot do anything without me.”  

"Oh God, I miss the day when every day was a day of sole dependence on you for every morsel of daily bread."   It has been awhile since I have asked God for every breath and for every next step.  Uncomfortable isn't so bad, I guess, when God is everything you need.   

It is a new time and season under the sun.  It's time to relinquish fully what I can and cannot do to God, for He alone can do all things. I have the distinct feeling that God has me exactly where he wants me to be.  I'm in a place of needing him so desperately again.  This is beautiful, really.  I am desperate for God.

"Lord, Jesus, you are the great I AM, and I am not.  Find me faithful to your calling for my life.  Be near to me.   Refine me, Lord God.  I am wholly yours.  I love you. I'm desperate for you.   I pray these things in the name of Jesus.  Amen."