I Blog Because...

I am a wife, a mom, a servant, a seeker and a follower of Christ. I am blogging to chronicle my own journey with God with the hope to inspire others to deepen their relationship with Him. Perhaps my mistakes and blunders will make you chuckle. Or, maybe, my disappointments, mistakes and learnings will speak to your heart. I often write at night, so forgive the grammatical mistakes and misspellings. This is a place for me to empty my mind and thoughts, with the hope of one day blessing my 2 girls with the raw honesty about life from their mom. I invite you to journey with me and share in my joys and sorrows as I seek to know my Lord. Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."



Thursday, February 18, 2010

Light of the world, you step down into darkness. Opened my eyes, let me see

Darkness was overshadowed today by the light. I entered a dimly lit chapel this morning to meet with God and journey through an Ash Wednesday experience. I made the walk up the hill to the chapel from my office with the full expectation to meet with God. I opened my Bible to Psalm 139 and lingered at verse 23. I asked God to search me, test me and lead me. Whenever I ask such things of God, He doesn't disappoint. I don't think I was fully prepared for all that the Holy Spirit had planned for me. You see, I asked God to search ME, and test ME and lead ME. If often hide ME from God. I approach the throne of grace as a wife, a mother or a children's minister, but I withhold the real me from God. I too often allow the seasons of my life to dictate and define who God is in my life. He is mine and I am His -- all of the time. He is interested in the condition of my heart and soul. He is interested in my confession and repentance so that my life may bring glory to God. Earlier in the same Psalm it states that God formed me, He searched me and He knows ME. He knows my every thought and my every sin. Nothing is hidden from Him. "Even the darkness will not be dark to you. The night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you." The light did shine upon my darkness today. I presented ME to the Lord today, all of me. My soul cried out to God as I named sin in my life and asked for forgiveness. Tears flowed and streamed down my face in the darkness. It has been too long since I have opened my sin stained self up before God. The Light of the World, opened my eyes and let me see what needs pruning in my life. I didn't want to leave this precious time with my Lord. His presence was strong and almost palpable. I moved from uncomfortable to comforted. I marked myself with ashes in the form of a cross on my wrist. I am a sinner, but not a slave to sin. Death is at work but so is life. 2 Corinthians 4:10-12 "We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." So I say, "thank you Jesus." I am again overwhelmed when I consider His love for me. His love is for me. For me. Me.

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